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The Liar/Transcript
(Scene opens on a paradise planet with a volcano. Zoom in on the volcano erupting. Wander coms out of the water covered in seaweed. He gasps for air and holds up a tiki-mask-like creature. Cut to Sylvia in the water carrying more tiki-mask-like creatures. Cut to the volcano. Pan left to the beach where Wander is giving the creatures leis as they leave.) Wander: Here ya go! Watch your step! Lovely day for a mass evacuation! Sylvia: Whoof! And just before Mount Krackyourbigtoa could blow her top. (She taps on the bar table and gives one finger to the bartender. The bartender mixes her a drink. She gives the bartender a quarter.) (sighs) Saving an entire species from fiery doom deserves a little R&R. That's "Rest and Really fruity drink with a tiny umbrella." Right, partner? (Who is not there.) Partner? Partner? Wander: (from far away) We didn't save everyone! (Zoom in on Wander swimming up to the volcano. Cut back to Sylvia who moves her drink aside.) Sylvia: (sighs) Wait for me, tiny umbrella. (She speeds away.) (Sylvia ends up on the land surrounding the volcano. The volcano erupts again.) Sylvia: That's not good! (Some molten lava rocks fall from above. Zoom in on Wander climbing up the volcano.) That's less good! (She zips up to Wander at the top of the volcano.) Wander, are you nuts?! This place is gonna pop its cork any minute! Wander: But, Sylvia, look! (Closeup on a mother bird and her three baby birds in a nest in a tree at the volcano.) Sylvia: Ah, so you are nuts. Good to know. Wander: We can't just leave them! They're too cute to perish in a pool of hot magma! Don't worry, little guys! I know things seem bleak now, but I have a plan and I promise, no one shall die this day! (Eruption. Title card.) Sylvia: Wander, it's impossible to try and save them! We can't do it! Wander: (sniffs) Eww! You smell that? Sylvia: Oh, you mean ten thousand gallons of hot liquid death?! Wander: No. (sniffs) It smells like a big pile of can't-doo-doo. Woooowee! C'mon, Syl, how many times do I gotta tell ya? Anything is possible with a pep in your step and a grin on your chin! What you need is a positive can-do-titude! (Explosion.) Observe. (He climbs up the tree, which begins to get removed from its perch.) I have complete and total confidence that I will scoop up this lovely little family and carry them to safety, thus saving them from a burny lava-y demise. (He takes the nest off the branch. The mother bird squawks angrily at Wander and zaps him.) Ow! (He falls off the branch.) Ha ha! What a good mama you are! Let's try this again. (He climbs back up offscreen and gets zapped again offscreen.) Aah! (chuckles) Can-do-titude can often require try-try-again-iness. (He climbs back up a third time and gets zapped a third time.) Ee-ow! Ow! I respect that.; Yee-ow! You're so protective! (The birds get out of their nest and chase Wander, zapping him.) Ow! Waaah! Let's go! (He falls of the edge of the brim and gets zapped offscreen again.) Eeyow! Sylvia: This can't end well. (Explosion. Sylvia follows Wander and the birds.) Wander: Whoa! Slow down there, Scaredy! Where's the fire? Sylvia: Um, everywhere? (to a baby bird) Gah! Get back here! (gets zapped by the mother bird) Ow! I'm trying to save your—OW!—your kid!—OW! (Sylvia catches one of the babies, and the baby crawls around her body. She chases the baby and gets tied in a knot. The baby goes into a hole.) Sylvia: Oh, great! Now we'll never find him in time! We're doomed! Wander: Sylvia, can-do-titude! (Explosion.) Sylvia: (grunts angrily) (gets zapped again) OW! Wander: Remember, everybody, the path to positive thinking starts with a single step. (He steps, and the floor under him cracks open and they slide into the volcano.) Scaredy! We're so happy we found you here! Sylvia: INSIDE THE VOLCANO! (Sylvia attempts to comfort the birds, but gets zapped again. Wander attempts to run but gets crushed by a falling rock.) Sylvia: Wander! (gets zapped) OW! (Pull out to reveal Wander hanging from the ledge of one of the formations holding the babies.) Sylvia: Hang on! (She jumps to the rock and pulls Wander up.) Wander: We're saved! Sylvia: Or not. Wander, these little guys can't make a jump like that. I told you this was impossible! Wander: NO! The chasm between can-do-titude and give-uppity-ness may be wide, but I believe you can bridge that gap! Sylvia: Wait, what now? Wander: You can bridge the gap! (Sylvia attempts to bridge the gap but an eruption occurs under her. She turns to Wander who makes puppy eyes at her.) Sylvia: Oh, no no no no no no no no. (The baby birds come behind Wander and also make the puppy eyes at her. She grunts. Cut to Sylvia bridging the gap.) Wander: See, kids? Sylvia's got it right. You just have to look deep, deep down and find that spark in yourselves! And— Sylvia: Enough pep talk! Just hurry! Wander: Sorry. (imitating Edward G. Robinson) Meh! I'm gonna pick up your kids, see? And then I'm gonna hug 'em, see? And you're not gonna like it, see? Meh! Meh! (The mother bird attempts to zap him, but he jumps and runs to the other side. The others follow him. Another eruption causes them to fall off. Sylvia saves a bird, Wander catches the others in his hat.) Gotcha. (gets zapped) Aaah! (Sylvia catches Wander with her teeth.) I...can't...hold on...much... (Pull down to reveal a floor underneath them. Wander lets go.) Oh. (drops down) Phew! (A piece of the floor breaks off and one of the babies floats away on it.) Sylvia: Agh! Tiny! Wander: (correcting her) Alan. Sylvia: Alan? Wander: (shaking Sylvia) It just looks like an Alan! Do something, okay! Sylvia: But he's too far! Wander: Alan, I know everything seems bleak (zap!) OW! but you've gotta channel that positive power in— (zap!) OW! —yoooou! Sylvia: Are you crazy?! Wander: You can-doodit, dude! (eruption) (Alan proceeds to jump off) Wander: (in slow motion) Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Sylvia: (in slow motion) Noooooooooooooooooooo! (Alan jumps off and tries to fly, but gets saved by Sylvia's tail.) Wander: Phew! Sylvia: Ow ow ow ow ow ow! Hot hot hot hot hot! Wander: (zap) Aaah! (The floor cracks again and they all float on it.) Wander: Question: What do you call that pointy thing that hangs down from a cave?! Sylvia: Not the best time for a geology quiz, Wander! Wander: Just wondering if I should yell "Grab onto that stalagmite!" or "Grab onto that stalactite!" (Points up to the stalactite.) Sylvia: Everybody hang on! (Sylvia breaks off a piece of the rock with her tail and surfs the magma.) Wander: (zap!) I admire your— (zap!) Ow! —consistency — (zap!) Oooh! —mama. ''(zap!) '''Sylvia': Get ready! (They jump off the board and grab onto the stalactite. They climb up.) Wander: (zap!) Aaah! I will take that as a "thank you". (They finally reach up to back where they started.) (Song: Positive Song) Wander: Yuh-duh-duh-duh-duh, whoo! See what your life can be When your do-titude is can, We thought positive-a-ly, Now we're back where we began! Whoo! Sylvia: Yeah, that's not a good thing. Wander: Sure it is, Sylvia! All we need is to stay positive, push forward, and— (eruption) Sylvia: And what? Die?! (The volcano begins to crumble to pieces.) Wander: It's okay. It's okay. We can just go back to the other side of the volcano. (crumbles) Um... Uh... Perhaps, if... if I can signal the mainland, we— (A big dust of smoke covers the mainland.) Oh, for zingle-zangle's sake! Every little thing that could go wrong has! You win, volcano! Are ya happy?! I give up! Listen, little fellers, I promised I was gonna get you outta here alive, but I can't do it. (zap) Ow. (beat, explosion) Sylvia: (sniffs) Eww! Do you smell that? Wander: Smell what? Sylvia: (sniffs) It smells like what a good friend of mine would call "a fresh pile of can't-doo-doo!" Now, I have a plan, an awesome plan, that's one hundred percent positive sure to work! And I promise, no one shall die this day! Promise. (Wander smiles.) Wander: Uh, Sylvia, mainland is that way. (Sylvia jumps into the volcano. The volcano makes its final eruption. Close up on Sylvia and the others holding onto a stalagmite.) Sylvia: Stalag-o-mite! (Crash!) (Sylvia gets her drink back.) Sylvia: (sighs) We meet again. (She sips and the birds all jump happily around her. The mother bird zaps her again.) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Wander: It worked, Sylvia! (hugs her) Your plan totally worked! Sylvia: Nothing you can't do with a little can-dotitude. Never doubted it for a second. Yeesh. (The title card reappears to confirm the opposite.) Category:Transcripts